How body fat is an armor against what we fear
In today’s world, many of us are walking around with a few (or more!) extra pounds we’d like to shed. And most of us seem unable to really let go of this weight permanently, and instead we continue to be uncomfortable in our clothes and in our bodies.
Have you ever thought about how this extra weight might be “serving” you? How in fact, it may be offering a benefit of some sort to you?
Don’t get me wrong here, I am not advocating for extra weight. Instead what I suggest is that you take some time to discover what “benefit” this weight has for you, and then find another solution that will give you the same benefit, without you having to continue holding onto the excess poundage.
And most likely, how this weight is serving you is as a protector of sorts. Protecting you against something you fear, acting as an armor would.
What situations could your weight possibly be protecting you against? I’ve found in my experiences that weight can protect you against all kinds of things! For example, you may fear getting too much attention if you were at your ideal weight. Or perhaps your spouse really likes the extra weight on you, and you worry that he/she might not be so attracted to you if you let it go. Or maybe deep down, you fear having to spend a lot of money on a new wardrobe if you dropped the weight, because finances are tight for you. It could be that you’re worried about being rebuffed by a group of friends who are also on the heavy side. These few examples may strike a chord with you, or maybe not. Everyone’s reasons for staying heavy are personal, and only you can figure them out.
We are all different, and what scares one person exhilarates another. Think of standing at the top of a snow covered mountain. If you love skiing, this would be a really joyful moment for you. However if you are scared of heights, this would be terrifying!
Only you can figure out why you keep the weight, and how it is protecting you and serving you against what it is you truly fear. We are now going to look deeper into ourselves to begin to understand. Please remember that this is a process, and the time frame will differ for everyone. Some of you may have huge AHA moments fairly quickly, and some of you may search for a while, or even a long time before the answers come. There is no set amount of time this will take, everyone is different. Please commit to this process regardless of how long it takes. The results will be worth it, guaranteed!
I recommend that you dedicate some time everyday to working on this. Find a quiet spot, where you wont be interrupted, and really focus on this. It can be lying in bed first thing in the morning or just before you drop off at night. It can be at lunch as you take a stroll through a park. Or it can even be locking yourself up in the bathroom for five minutes of privacy! No matter where you choose to do this exercise, it is very important that you be kind to yourself, really kind. Occasionally things will come up that are uncomfortable for you, sometimes very uncomfortable. However, carrying around your extra weight is uncomfortable too, so rest assured that this exercise will help to release all the discomfort, both mental and physical.
What I mean by being kind to yourself is by not judging what you discover. You may have an AHA that seems so obvious now, that you wonder how you ever missed it. And then that can lead to thoughts along the lines of how could I have missed that, I am so stupid. Really listen to your self-talk as you go along through this, and when you catch yourself berating yourself (and you will, you are only human!) replace that thought with something more positive and self-loving. For instance, instead of the thought how could I have missed that, what is wrong with me?, catch yourself thinking this, and then consciously say to yourself I am so grateful that I have made a discovery about my weight, and I am so happy now that I can find new, more effective ways of coping.
Everyone is different, and this is a really personal part of the process. There are no right and wrong answers here! This is really getting to know yourself on a level much deeper than you have probably ventured before.
You are afraid of something, even if you dont think you are. You are human, that means you have fear, probably for more than one thing. Remember, these discoveries will take some time, so dont rush through the process. Go slow, and appreciate every piece of data you find about yourself and your fears. It can be fascinating really getting to know yourself, to uncover what drives you to do what you do. Remember to be kind to yourself, and not judgmental. Just notice what comes up for you.
If you are not already doing so, you are going to begin today writing down your thoughts. Keeping a journal or a diary is a great tool to help you figure all this out for yourself. Start by writing every day, even if it is just for 5-10 minutes. Dont censor yourself. Rather, keep your journal hidden away from prying eyes, so that you can be completely honest in your writing because you dont have to worry that someone else will read it.
As you write, be sure to make note of your feelings that day. How did you feel when you woke up? At midday? After work? In the evening? How did you feel about yourself and your body? What challenges came up for you that day?
Note whether you had a day that moved you closer to your goals (of shedding the weight), or moved you further away (overeating or skipping exercise). In either case, pay attention to the details of the day. Did you wake up in a good mood or bad? Did your mood change during the course of the day? Who were you with? What did you talk about? What activities were you involved in? Then move into the less tangible aspects of the day, such as What were you thinking about? What thoughts were you holding about yourself? Who or what were you afraid of? What makes you uncomfortable? When do I feel the need to overeat?
Look for patterns between what you are doing, who you are doing it with, how you feel, and what you are thinking. Look for these patterns in both the negative, as well as positive aspects of your day. These patterns are there, you just have to find them. Everyones patterns are different, but we all have things that trigger us to think and behave in certain ways. Becoming aware of these patterns is the first step in changing them.
Awareness and realization usually come along in small increments. Each day you may learn something new about yourself and how you cope with the world. And as this new knowledge begins to pile up, you will find yourself naturally making changes in how you think, react and behave. By thinking differently about your body and your weight, you will develop new behaviors which will get you to your goal of life in an ideal-weighted body. You can escape from the armor of fat and get on with living life to the fullest!
To your success!
Written by Stacey Grieve
Stacey Grieve is the foremost expert on the mind-body connection and how it fits into weight. As an overweight child who grew into an obese adult, Stacey spent the first half of her life battling with her weight and her body. It wasn’t until she effectively learned how to use the mind-body connection that permanent weight results began to appear and she now passionately shares what she’s learned with others so they too can achieve and maintain their ideal weight.
To check out Stacey’s book and website please visit here: Why Are You Weighting?
Article photo by wili_hybrid
One Response to “How body fat is an armor against what we fear”
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I think you hit the nail on the head. I’ve heard young girls who were sexually abused ssay they gained weight as a kind of armor to keep men away.