Body & Soul
This is a guest post.
“I feel like my best days are behind me,” Jan said when she called to discuss her career goals. “It’s too late to do what I really want to do, so I’ll have to settle for security. Can you help me find what that is before it’s too late?”
Jan is not alone in thinking that time is her enemy. Many of my clients believe they missed life’s greatest opportunities, even young clients who have decades of life ahead of them. Jan’s autobiography (my client’s first assignment) revealed her obsession with appearances began when she identified with her mother’s hopes and dreams. As she worked on her life story Jan realized when and why she decided that she should repeat her mother’s life. Looking at the parents and their marriage from an adult’s point of view set her free to create a different ending to her story, although this did not happen overnight.
As Jan learned, pretending to be the person she thought others wanted her to be was a hard habit to break. Again and again she found herself going back to what was familiar, such as trying to please everyone, and then feeling too exhausted to discover what she wanted to do.
When Jan’s subconscious finally accepted she had needs, particularly the need for solitude and intellectual stimulation, she ended a relationship and went back to school to get a graduate degree in psychology. Today she uses her experience and insight to help clients find meaning in their lives.
“I could never be as effective as I am without the struggle I went through,” Jan said, when she called to let me know how life and work were going. “Nor could I bear with my clients when they are going through difficult situations. I know that eventually they will see that today is not yesterday, that opportunities abound. Then, just as I did, they will feel as though they woke up from a bad dream.”
An added bonus to Jan’s career success is the man she met at a psychology conference.
“We’re the same age and we have the same values. Neither of us wants to go back in time, where we are is too much fun.”
Jan’s experience with time changed when she discovered the authentic self she had rejected for fear of disapproval. She doesn’t worry about what others think and do now, which gives her a distinct advantage in the marketplace. While other counselors try to be all things to all people and fail, Jan’s practice is thriving.
“You have to listen to your intuition if you want to get life moving in the right direction,” Jan said, as she gathered up her belongings. “In the end, it’s the best guide, but boy, is it ever hard to trust that inner voice when so many people are going in the opposite direction.”
To make money doing what you love look within to find the treasure of great price: your authentic self. Write your life story, beginning with your grandparents and parents’ beliefs about money, work and love. As you work on your story think like a novelist, refer to family members by their first names so you can see them as people, not as authority figures you dislike, fear or worship.
Objectivity about your forbearers will also help to resolve conflicts you have today with authority figures, such as bosses, experts, and partners who would rather be right than reasonable. Seeing these people as they are not as you want them to be will help you to be more self-accepting.
By the time you finish your story you will see the choices you made that always ended in failure, some of which you may still repeat. And you will see when you were true to yourself in spite of the risks. If you stop making the choices that never work, and you repeat the choices that always turn out well, you will succeed beyond your fondest dreams. Then time will shift into timelessness.
Written by Nancy Anderson
Nancy Anderson is a career and life consultant based in the San Francisco Bay Area and the author of the best-selling career guide, Work with Passion, How To Do What You Love For a Living. Her new book, Work with Passion in Midlife and Beyond is available in online and retail bookstores. Her website is workwithpassion.com.
Over the past 2 years I’ve shared my story and I’ve discussed the lessons I’ve learned from overcoming my failures, mistakes, and setbacks in life. I’ve received many emails and comments from people expressing how amazed they are at how I seem to have everything all figured out.
I do believe I have a unique perspective on life but I feel compelled to tell you that I don’t have life all figured out.
I’m young (currently 21), I’m human, I made mistakes that make me question what I was thinking, I’ll make more mistakes, and I’ve even lost sight of my own advice from time to time.
So please don’t think I’m better than you or holier than you. I didn’t create this site and I don’t write to preach how perfect my life is or how wonderful I am. I’m not an “expert” in life and if anybody tells you they are; they’re lying.
I don’t want you to feel that you need to have life all figured out and be completely free of blemishes either.
If you’re young, you’re going to make big mistakes that will make you question where your morals were.
If you’re older, you’re going to make big mistakes too.
What is important is that we’re not in denial and that we’re honest with ourselves. That we commit to being better. And that we work hard to fulfill that commitment.
Another thing we all need to work on is to not be so quick to judge others for their mistakes and show much more compassion. Our society too easily writes people off. We believe that no addict can stop and no criminal can learn and become a better person. This mentality actually shows weakness in ourselves. Having compassion and hoping for someone’s betterment shows true strength.
What unfinished business would you leave behind?
What would you want to say to those you love?
What would people remember you for?
Would you have regrets?
Would you think you spent your time wisely?
How many lives would you have help positively change?
Would you have let your talents go to waste?
Would someone be inspired by your passing to seize the moment?
What and who would make you smile in the face of your death?
If you would like, please share some or all your answers to these questions in the comment section below.
This is a guest post.
We’ll never have enough time.
Paradoxically, understanding that concept allows us the potential to wisely utilize the time we have!
Using time to overcome life’s challenges is a topic I cover extensively in my book, THE POWER OF ADVERSITY: Tough Times Can Make You Stronger, Wiser, and Better. I know from personal experience that the advice I share with you here is incredibly effective.
Transforming time from an adversary into an ally has helped me develop the positive mindset to be able to dust myself off from early business failures and build my company, Weatherchem, into the leader in my industry. Understanding time has also allowed me to put aside self-pity and rise above the adversity in my personal life, helping me overcome serious and chronic physical illnesses, and severe emotional conflict.
You too can grasp hold of the reins of time, making it work for you as opposed to against you as you confront your troubles. All that’s needed is for you to accept a single life-changing realization:
Time is truly the only resource you have to expend against adversity.
After all, even if you throw money at a problem, all you’re really doing is buying yourself extra time by having others tackle your troubles on your behalf.
Let’s start with the assumption that we each have some recreation we enjoy doing “to pass the time.” I like to swim. You may enjoy playing golf or tennis… bowling…. or basketball…
In all these activities we instinctively understand that win, lose or draw, playing the game is where the real fun is. Our time spent doing our chosen activity pleasures us in myriad ways.
Now what would happen, do you think, if you approached your adversity – whatever it may be – as if it were your favorite form of recreation? As if it were a rather difficult shot on the 17th hole… or a particularly adept tennis opponent?
Do you think you could “pass the time” tinkering with your adversity the way you might tinker with your golf swing?
Let me put it another way: Do you think you could take the mind-set and skill-sets you’ve developed through time, and put them to work against the adversity you’re confronting… the same way you might, let’s say, apply your accumulated golf ability to improving your long game? Is it worth trying?
Remember, whether your problem is a lousy golf swing or, say, unemployment, all problems are solved the same way…
First, you take the time to get creative and come up with a possible solution. Second, you take the time to be innovative and throw your ideas against the wall to see what sticks, keeping in mind that there’s no such thing as a mistake if you learn from your actions.
Granted, there is an immense difference in rebuilding your golf swing and rebuilding your career – but ultimately both are rebuilt through the process of trial and error – over time.
Written by Al Weatherhead
Al Weatherhead is the author of The Power Of Adversity and chairman and CEO of Weatherchem, a private manufacturer of plastic closures for food, spice, pharmaceutical and nutraceutical products.
Life is full of miracles.
Many times the miracles are performed by ordinary people and not by divine intervention or a higher power.
You too can make miracles happen. Here are four ways you can do the “impossible,” accomplish amazing feats, change lives, and perform miracles.
1. Know that one person’s miracle is another person’s goal
Doing the “impossible” sometimes seems like performing miracles to the onlooker, but to the doer it’s not miracle work. It’s hard work; work that requires patience, persistence, and different thinking.
One person views it as a miracle that somehow falls into place and another person views it as a goal that they put into place.
2. Don’t expect to impress everyone
Just as some people will be blown away at what you’re able to accomplish, others will just yawn at you. They won’t understand the magnitude of what you’ve done or maybe they just don’t care.
Don’t look to impress anyone but yourself with what you can do.
3. Refuse to accept someone else’s failure as fact
Before we take on a difficult task we usually look to others who attempted similar feats. We’re looking for indications about how hard it’s going to be for ourselves and we’re mostly looking for inspiration to push us.
Often though, we don’t find much hope. Instead of inspiration we find a vast wasteland covered in the broken dreams of those who tried but didn’t succeed and gave up.
However, just because so many failed before you doesn’t mean that it’s the truth and your destiny. You can be the pioneer who drudges through that wasteland no matter how long it takes.
4. Find solace in difficultly
When do miracles happen? During good or bad times?
When things are going great these achievements and events aren’t considered miracles because they aren’t very amazing and they’re not really needed.
Miracles only happen during difficult times when hope seems lost. So find comfort for your mind and soul in the adversity you’re dealt. It’s during these rough patches when miracles are created and thrive.
