How to thrive in a single parent household
It may not seem like it, but it might just be an epidemic. Many children and young adults are growing up in single parent households after their mother or father deserted them. It’s more common than ever, and it’s not limited to a specific race, social status, or region.
It’s difficult for both the single parent and the children for various reasons. For the parent, it means less time together and more time working; and it means that many of the household responsibilities are forced upon the children.
There is a common belief that children who grew up or are growing up in a single parent homes are more likely to not graduate school, commit crimes, and engage in drug and alcohol use. However, what is being overlooked is the number of successful and productive individuals who have been raised by a single parent.
There are ways to not only survive a single parent household, but to thrive and flourish under such circumstances. Here is how you can do it.
Let go of self-pity and blame
Stop blaming yourself as the reason your parent deserted you. It’s not your fault at all. He or she left because they’re a coward. They can’t handle real life responsibilities. It’s obviously a whole different story if they died in an accident or are deployed in the army.
You’re not alone, there are millions of people who have grown up or are growing up in single family households. So please stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’re more fortunate than a lot of other people out there.
Move on and forget about the parent that left you
If the parent that deserted you doesn’t want to be a part of your life, then don’t let them. Don’t waste your time trying to call them or contact them, it’ll most likely lead to you feeling worse.
You don’t have to keep a grudge, just simply move on and forget.
You’re strong and you’ll do just as great without them, maybe even better.
Do your share
When you have a single mother or father, you must assist them with chores and other things around the house. It’ll be difficult to do “adult” things when your peers are out having fun. But face the fact; you’ll grow up quick (you’ve probably already figured this out). This can actually be a really positive thing for you. You’ll develop numerous skills and responsibility for the “real” world (which you’re already living).
Now don’t be scared of the fact of growing up quick. It certainly doesn’t mean you’ll never have fun again.
Appreciate your single parent
He or she is there for you and obviously loves you. Your mother or father won’t always be able to provide you everything you want but he or she is doing all they can to provide you what you need. Love them no matter what.
The lack of material possessions is nothing compared to her or his love and belief in you.
Find a surrogate father or mother
It is very important for you to fill the void caused by the mother or father that left you. You need someone who you can ask advice (besides your single parent), someone you can hang out with, or someone you can just observe and model yourself after.
Here are a few different people that can be your surrogate:
- An aunt or uncle
- A grandfather or grandmother (not on the side of the person that left you)
- An older brother or sister
- Even a famous person or business person
You don’t even need to be able to talk to you surrogate, unless you need some advice. You just need someone who is successful to look to for inspiration.
Strive to beat the statistics
No matter what statistics say about children who grow up in single parent homes, it doesn’t have to be the reality of the majority of these kids, including you.
The statistics shouldn’t mean a thing to you except that it’s a powerful motivator. You are not destined to be what other people say you’ll be; you are destined only by what YOU say and do.
Get going on your dreams today!
Coming from a single parent home you probably know how it is living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to make ends meet. I know not one person in this world who wants to live in such a way forever, including you. The best way to get you and your family out of this circumstance is to take action as soon as possible.
I would go into detail on how to get a going on your dreams and goals, but I’ve covered it before, including this recent article.
Single parents: How to help your child or children thrive
I’m sure you work extremely hard to provide the necessities for your child or children to survive; but are you helping them thrive?
Here are a few tips to help your children or child thrive in a single parent home. Not one tip will cost you a dime to implement.
Don’ts
- Don’t fight with your ex or bad-mouth them
This does absolutely no good for your child, especially if they’re young. It sends them mixed messages.
- Don’t tell your child they can’t do something because you can’t afford it
When someone has a strong enough willpower, money becomes the smallest of obstacles.
- Don’t tell your child they can’t do anything
- Don’t put blame on your ex
Yes, he or she left you; sending you into difficult times but YOU can lead your family into more prosperous times.
- Don’t ever blame your child
- Don’t come home in a negative mood
Long hours or two jobs can really break you down, but don’t let it show when you come home to your kids. If you’re negative, your tone will quickly spread to everyone else and make your whole house miserable.
Do’s
- Do be excited and interested in your child’s dreams
This is all the encouragement a child needs to chase after a dream. They just want to know you care.
- Do let them be kids
- Do stay in contact
Spending so much time at work prevents you from staying in contact. But in this age, it no longer has to be that way. Send a text message, email, or make a phone call on your lunch breaks or whenever you can. Your kids might not be thrilled, but it’s good to stay informed on what they’re doing and it shows you care.
- Do share your mistakes in life
Tell your children why you’re working so hard to make ends meet. Perhaps you depended too much on one person that you thought would never leave. Share any mistakes you’ve made so your children can steer clear of similar situations.
- Do let them make their own mistakes
- Do follow your own dreams as well
I’m sure you’re caught up in providing for your family but you also need to pursue your dreams. It will benefit everyone.
Let’s hear from you…
Did you grow up with a single parent? Share your story, successes, mistakes and tips in the comment section below.
Photo by Ask.Me.Anything
2 Responses to “How to thrive in a single parent household”
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Hi Andrew,
Good article.
Great Suggestions!!
Thanks for sharing.
Randy
Hey Randy,
My pleasure!
-Andrew